tough times….

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… it has been a few tough weeks since my new chemo has started. This time I really get to feel all the side effects. From tiredness and feeling exhausted, to bad skin rashes on my back, chest and in my face and in my mouth, chronic diarreah, bladder infection and nausea. And it is terribly hard for me to except that I am sick, need to rest and lie in bed. I just want to carry on and lead my normal life.

On Tuesday I went to see my doctor and she decided to stop part of my treatment. I am getting Vinoralbine (chemotherapy) once a week and have to take a tablet daily. The tablet is the new medication and is suppose to be more effective than the Herceptin, which I got before. It is made specifically for the type of breast cancer that I have and stops the receptors on the cancer cell to multiply. I am mainly getting all the side effects from the tablet and she decided to take me of the tablet so I can gain strenght again. I will continue with it again next Thursday, but on a lower dosis. I got 40mg and will go down to 30 mg. It will all depend on my blood counts, which get tested weekly, and have dropped quite a bit since I have started.

My body gained a lot of strenght in the last few days since I have stopped and I am so happy to feel human again. It was difficult to eat at sometimes, because my mouth was so sore. My skin is quite bad as you can see on the photos and I can not expose myself to the sun at all, it feels like my skin in tearing apart as soon as I am outside. I am wearing a high SPF and a hat, even when I drive my car.

My biggest struggle at the moment, is to accept that I am weak, and I can not continue the way I used to. I did a 10km run together with Alwyn’s sister Marisa, just after I started the treatment, but slowly after that I could feel my energy is dropping and needed somewhere else. It is so hard for me to say NO and be weak, that is so not me. But I guess that is what I have to learn! And I am going to fight these bad boys  with my body, soul and mind until they are defeated.

The love and support I receive doesn’t fade at all. Especially in these hard times, friends come and visit, the house looks like a flower shop, food gets cooked and delivered, shuttle service gets arranged to the hospital, and people do not stop praying for me.

I know everything happens for a reason, as much as I know that I will win! I just have to keep the spirits up and show them who is the stronger one, even when I am a weak.

My next scan will be end of November to see how the cancer has progressed! It better be a 3-1 for me this time…..

Much love and fighting spirit


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9 Responses to tough times….

  1. Lori says:

    Ons dink en bid elke oomblik vir jou ons liefste, liefste Helen. Ons wens so ons kon dit beter maak vir jou en jou enigsens help om beter te voel. Byt net nog so n bietjie vas, dit sal als op die einde die moeite werd wees! Ons is baie lief vir jou en WEET dit gaan 3-1 wees vir jou aan die einde van die maand, just keep the faith. Baie liefde, Lori & Kosie xxx

  2. Alwyn says:

    Hi my engel, Jis dit was vir my erg om jou so te sien swaar trek die laaste tyd. Jy is regtig ‘n ongelooflike mens. Jou deursettingvermoe is vir ons almal ‘n voorbeeld, Ek wens ek kan jou net so bietjie beter laat voel, maar weet net dat ek altyd daar is vir jou, Ek het jou so erg baie lief, jy sal die een oorwin, Glo net. raak rustig, God is the great healer.

  3. Aygül says:

    Liebste Helen,
    ich bin in Gedanken wie immer bei dir und schicke dir viele positive Energien. Ich kann mich glücklich schätzen, dass ich dich kenne. Du bist ein großartiger Mensch. Ich habe dich ganz doll lieb und drücke dich ganz fest. Devam devam! Deine Aygüle-Gül

  4. heleen says:

    Unendliche Liebe, Kraft und Positive Energie aus Maputo…
    du bist die BESTE und du SCHAFFTS es!!!
    deine leen, sérgio, mila XXX

  5. Kristina Krause says:

    Ganz viel Kraft und postive Gedanken Helen!Du bist absolut beeindruckend und das werden die kleinen Scheisser auch noch merken!Sei gedrückt von der Volksmusikfangemeinschaft….aber wie ich sehe bist du von Kurt Darran auf McGyver umgestiegen???:)

  6. Doro says:

    Deine wunderschönen Augen ! Ich freue mich, dass Sie strahlen, trotz der immensen Belastung. Sei lieb gegrüßt von Alex, Sophia, Sarah, Kilian und Doro

  7. Rousseau says:

    Hi Helen. I am a friend of Ruan here on the Isle of Man. We have had the ongoing privilege of praying for you as a small group and believe that God is the great Healer, just like Alwyn said in his post above! You are awesome and we read your updates with anticipation and expectation! God is good and we continue to intercede for you! In this very moment I pray that He will encourage you with hope and love.

  8. mum, dad and Britta says:

    It`s so great to read all the comments from all your friends, girlie. It helps us too! And shows what a fantastic person you are ( well, with your inherited genes ……..!) So just keep going onwards and upwards and never, never forget that every down brings an up afterwards. You are our greatest little fighter, always was, and will stay that way. Will soon be there to hold your hand and Alwyn`s and hopefully bouddie will be with us too. Big, big hugs till end of Nov, mum+dad

  9. Jane and Hypo Hutch says:

    Dearest Helen,
    We are obviously most concerned to learn that you are having such a difficult time just now. We continue to track your blog and all comments, and pray regularly in the hope of more progress soon. Meanwhile we think you are being an absolute brick (that is a compliment in English). It sounds like SA is a pretty good place for focused medical attention. Much love, admiration and continuing prayers.

    Hypo and Janey, xxx

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