Oh, I really hate writing on the blog with negative news, but it is part of my journey and I have to shout and write it out “loud” in order to fight back!
The last 4 weeks I was suffering from headaches, which have been coming and going, very irregular, sometimes severe sometimes very little. At my weekly visits at the doctors I told them about it and we observed it, and decided when I go for my next CT/ pelvic scan I’ll go for a brain scan as well. I didn’t feel very well on Monday, Tuesday 7.5. & 8.5.) but back in shape on Wednesday. When Alwyn and me left Thursday morning for the scan, a headache attack came over me again, from one moment to the other. Whilst I was waiting for my scans I had to vomit a few times and after the brain scan I had to go on the drip. I felt so nausea and drained. The doctor admitted me to hopsital straight away and came two hours later with the bad news of the cancer spreading to my brain. Alwyn and me could not believe it, we were so sure the headaches were a side effect from the longterm chemo I was getting. I have two tumors in my brain, one which is a bit bigger but close to my skull, it is almost a size of a golf ball but the swelling makes it as big as a tennis ball. It does have a little impact on my eye sight and also describes why I had the dizzy feeling lately. The other one is much smaller but close to my brainstem, so further down.
After digesting the shocking news and informing our families, we just spent time together at the hospital and were hoping and praying for a miracle. The next morning we went to see my fabulous Oncologist Dr. Pienaar, and like my breast buddie fighter NIkki told me, she had a plan for us straight away. Yes, the cancer has hit back, but we have got a striking plan to give the bad boys such a kick, so they can feel the TRUE Harder!!!! It was amazing to see how everything fell into place after speaking to her. I do not want to go into all the details, we had a few doctor marathons again, everyone reacted promply and competent and the plan of action is the following:
Next week Tuesday I will have a brain operation to get the big Tumor out. I will probably be in ICU for 2 days, and up to 10 days in hospital afterwards for recovery. We will then start the radiation, 12 sesssions, 1 each day for approx 10 min, to treat both tumors in my brain. After that I will have to start another chemo, which will most probably be the “red devil” one. Yes it is evil, but hey- I do not care as long as I can get these bad boys out of my system, I do anything. I met my Neurosurgeon as well, who is a very straight forward and experienced surgeon, who we both fully trust. He and Dr. Pienaar explained everything very clearly to us, which makes us fell confident and hopeful that everything will work out well. I know I am repeating myself in my blog, but I it is incredible to see, how everyone reacted after the news were spread and how from one moment you feel torn and lost, the next moment you feel you are in this warm nest, full of hope, fighting spirit, love…. WOW!
My Mum booked a flight on Thursday night, and arrived Sunday morning. All of a sudden this whole big world, becomes a little place and everyone feels so close! Thank you my dear family and friends, I can feel all your comfort and support. I also would like to tell you, please do not pity me. I do not want any pity. All I need is fighting spirit! Nobody on earth deserves to go through what I have to go through, but it just does not help to get upset and angry about it. We just have to accept the paths we are on in our lives, and have to make the best of it. And it takes you to beautiful places with all these up’s and down’s. Remember everything happens for a reason.
I was discharged on Saturday from the hospital, and am at home now. I feel alright, getting a lof of medication to get rid of the swelling before my surgery, and also have to take Epilepsy tabletts so I do not get any fits. If I take any other medications now or get sick my op has to be postponed, which we obviously don’t want to happen. We want to fight right here and now.
I have also decided to leave my little projects I had going on the side line and really focus on me and my health only. I know the coming months will be tough, but I also know that I will get back to full health and strenght soon again. With the help of God, family, friends and LOVE we can fight back. I know it and I can feel it. As well as I know that I will get married to my beloved Alwyn end of October and as well as I know that I will be able to fly home for christmas this year!
The coming weeks I will focus more and more on living healthier, getting a rich anti-oxidante diet, work on my mental health etc. I will ONLY focus on myself, which I think I haven’t done enough until now. It is part of the process i have to learn. I am thankful for any helpful links, which you can comment on below or send me via Email.I told my doctor as well that I look at the cancer in a holistic way, I know the drugs are one thing, which I can not avoid, since my cancer is so aggressive. But she approves of the spiritual and alternative medicine as well, one just has to find the right combination, because it can become more toxic as well, since the impact of it can double or half the effect as well. So it’s all things to source out now.
I will keep you a bit updated via facebook, for those who are registered. Obvioulsy I won’t be in the state to write a lot in the following weeks, but I will try my best.
Until then, keep me in your prayers and thoughts! Stay positive, keep smiling and we will rock and embrace this world all together!