and here comes Chemo no. 4

…. 4 weeks later and unfortunately still no further improvement. The treatment doesn’t work, the lesions in my liver have increased. The biggest one in my left lobe being almost 7cm now. I really have some terrible weeks behind me, I kept on gettting all the mentioned side effects, felt so weak and useless. I must say it was bordering a depression. I am lying in bed, but I do not want to sleep, eat, read, watch TV, get up and go somewhere, plan the wedding… nothing. I just did not know what I want. The weather has been bad too, rainy and windy so it all complemented my mood of course. I actually only realize now, how bad I was doing. My Mum kept on staying since I was not able to cope by myself and did ongoing nursing. She kept on feeding me, because my appetite loss was not getting better. Alwyn and her did their best also to keep my mood up, but it wasn’t that easy for them. And so the days pass by and one just hopes and prays for healing. Getting another bad report from the doctors yesterday was very grueling too. One battles and battles and you think you are suffering so much it must work this time! But no the cancer is still resistant. It is very demoralising, but I know this is the path the Lord has chosen for me. And he is going to walk side by side with me to get me through this, so does my family and friends. And that is so uplifting. If it weren’t for all the lovely letters, phone calls, sms, Emails, flowers and pressies that I am getting, I couldn’t stay that strong. Every word is always so encouraging and I realize it is so worthwhile to keep on fighting.

I’ve met a few ladies and some of them had up to 9 different chemos before they got into remission. Everybody reacts differently to the treatments, that’s why the doctors need to adjust it. But luckily my brain is fine, no reoccurence there, my breast is also clear and just a bit in the lymphnodes left. All other organs are clean too, wohoo!

Last week I started changing my diet again, in eating more fruit and raw veg, nuts etc. I met a very interesting lady who gave me a lot of insightful advice how to treat your body while on chemo. Ever since then my body is gaining strength again, and I feel so much better. I have got motivation again and am looking forward to the days ahead. And this is simply by leaving processed food, dairy and animal fats out of my diet. I am trying to keep my body as alkaline (basisch) as possible, and I can feel i can handle the medication much better. My Wellness-Genetest also showed that I can not handle Proteins and Fats that well, I have a hang to obesity, so I need to become more aware of my weight now in order to keep healthy and fit. It also showed a lack of folic acid (Folsäure) and Vitamin B6 and B12. Best is of course to get this into my body via food and not supplements.

So although the results weren’t that good, I am still positive I will win this battle, no matter how long it will take and what I have to go through.
My oncologist is busy working out what kind of chemo I am going to get next. It is uncertain yet, but they have several treatments in mind. I will start probably next week and will have to go to hospital once every 3 weeks to get my infusion.

I am also looking forward to Alwyn and my big day. In less than 8 weeks I am going to be his Mrs. ! I am so much looking forward to the weekend of the 27th October it is going to be so amazing. And I am so glad I feel better now and can get things prepared for it. Believe me the cancer is not going to ruin our wedding! We are so much stronger.

Next time I will post a few photos again. I haven’t changed a lot though, still no hair… so I stay bold and beautiful!

Many hugs,

Helen