One week after our wedding I had to go for chemo again and shortly after that for my next scans. Unfortunately it showed that Chemo no. 4 did not have an impact on my cancer, in fact it is growing and spreading further and I now have also got Metastases in my lungs.
What can I say? We all sat in the doctor’s room and took it with composure, although wanting to explode. Why are these terrible bad boys not getting the message to leave my body immediately? What do I have to do to finally get rid of them? How do they even dare to keep on growing and spreading? Who do they think they are, invading my body, making me sick and mine, my family and friends souls fullfil with sorrow?
After having the most incredible past 6 weeks, with most of my family and friends around sharing Alwyn and my special day, feeling like I am on top of the world, being married to the most wonderful man on earth, I thought we showed them a lot of teeth flashing and positive attitude to scare them away.
But obviously this is not enough. So now it is finally time for the red devil chemotherapy to come. My oncologist also said she hopes this is the magical bullet. We have to take the next step and keep on fighting, keep on believing. I know God is a healer and I plead to him to finally heal me for good. As you might remember I said in my blog beginning of the year: 2012 is going to rock, and so far we have, with a few ups and downs in between. But I would like to finish it with a rocket, in fact with a shooting star. So please help and pray for me that this is going to happen.
The red devil is suppose to be very hard on your body. But as usual: everybody reacts differently. Yet again, I keep on praying I handle this well and won’t get too sick. I may not loose more weight, I have already lost 20kg since May. But it is so difficult to eat when you feel nausea. Luckily once it is all out I can eat again, and actually do feel hungry too.The possibility for me to loose hair for the 3rd time is also quite high. And again side effects like appetite loss and sense disorders can occur.
I will be able to handle it all, if I know I can board the plane on December 14th back home. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo longing to go back home. My oncologist said she will prepare me well for it so I can enjoy my three weeks in Germany, England and Austria. It is Alwyn’s and mine honeymoon and the last week we are going to go sking with our friends to thoroughly enjoy the winter and the snow.
With the wonderful wedding weekend we have had, I can tell you I am still very blessed and happy. It has been an unforgetable weekend as the photos and video show. I hope you have all been able to see it, if not take a look at my last two blogs for the links. Amazing what endorphines can do with your body, we danced till 3 am in the morning, which I haven’t done in ages.
I will update you all as soon as I can, until then………… live the life you love, love the life you live!